Letter to an Unwed Mother


If you just found out today that you are pregnant, or if you've known for a while, your feelings may be similar to those I experienced:

All your feelings are very real. But there is hope. This crisis will pass. How do I know? Let me tell you my story.

Several years ago, when I was 16, I became pregnant. Since I couldn't deal with all my feelings of confusion, despair, loneliness and fear, I denied the fact that I was going to have a baby.

At six months along in my pregnancy, my parents found out and didn't know how to deal with it either. So, a few days later, I was placed in a foster home, living with strangers in a place that didn't feel like "home.“But through patience, love and much acceptance, these strangers became my salvation. And there, away from the stress and pressure of my family, I began to deal with my feelings and look seriously at my options.

Because I was six months pregnant, I felt I couldn't abort my baby, even though it would have been legal. I'd seen pictures of fetuses at that stage and saw that it was . . . well, a baby! Even if I'd wanted one, an abortion that late would have been more dangerous and expensive for me.

Raised in a dysfunctional home and being pregnant at a young age, my self-esteem was at an all time low. I knew I couldn't be a good mother for my baby. So, I decided my only alternative was to relinquish my baby for adoption. Based on the facts, this decision was easy to make, but I was not prepared for the emotions I would experience at the time of my baby's birth.

When my baby was born, I fell in love with him instantly. Here he was, that "thing" (or so I thought) that had been growing inside of me. Parenthood finally became real. This was a living human being. He always had been a person, I just didn't know it. And best of all, I was his mother! So much pride welled up inside me, I thought I would burst. For the first time since learning I was pregnant, I wanted to keep my baby.

Then reality looked me straight in the face. Who was I kidding? I was only sixteen and hadn't finished high school. My son wouldn't have a father. I had no job or any means of providing for myself and my baby. Should we both return to the unstable home in which I was raised?

Then something clicked. The decision of my mind also became the decision of my heart. Giving him up was much more painful than I had anticipated. On the one hand, I had a precious new life that I adored and would do anything for, and on the other hand I wanted more for my child than I could give.

After relinquishing my son, I cried a lot, and went through periods of wanting to hold, or only see, my baby. Constantly, I had to bring myself back to reality. Remembering my reasons for placing him for adoption offered some comfort, although only time would heal the agony of separation.

I look back on that decision made years ago and can honestly say that I am proud of it. I put my son's needs before my own. I did what was best for him. It turned out to be the best option for me, too!

For me, adoption was not just giving the gift of life, but a lifelong decision of loving… loving… loving!

                                  -Anonymous