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Dear Candy, I'm 13 and in the 8th grade. I've gone to the same school my whole life and have never really fit in with many of the girls there. Most of my close friends are guys mainly because they're a lot more understanding and easier to get along with. It's concerning some people I know that my main friends are guys, but I don't see anything wrong with it. Is it O.K. to be REALLY good friends with a guy like that? It is so good to hear from you! Thank you for taking the time to write me. First, let me say that I know often it is easier to be friends with guys. They require a little less effort. Girls can be catty and sometimes difficult to get along with. I don’t think it is a bad thing to have guy friends, but it is important to have some close girls who are friends as well. What is most important about the note that you sent me is that “It’s concerning to some people”. My questions is…is it concerning to mom and dad? Because if it is, you need to listen to them. God gave you to them to watch over and protect. They love you and want the best for you. I have a suggestion for you…I am in Amarillo, TX and we have a program for teen girls called Pearls. It would be a perfect way for you to meet some wonderful Christian girls. If you live near here, please have your mom or dad contact me. If you are not near Amarillo, if you will ask your mom or dad to contact me with a mailing address…I will send some books to you that might help. Blessing to you sweet friend! Praying for you, Candy Gibbs
We have a teen daughter and she is making some decisions that are concerning to us. The pressures that she faces are overwhelming to her and to us. Can you tell me about Pearls and why it might be a benefit to our family? Desperate for answers Pearls is for the Joshua’s. Those of you who know that the Lord has promised you “a land flowing with milk and honey.” But...for those of you who know that you are going to have to take the land by force. This material is not ideological, but practical. This is not sugar-coated, but powerful. I see on a daily basis good kids, raised in good homes who have been swallowed by peer pressures, poor decisions, our society and sin and have thrown their families into a literal tail-spin. Families who wake up and find themselves in a reality that is beyond their wildest imaginations. This mentoring program has been in place now since 2004 and I have met many parents who are at the end of their rope and in a desert place. This is not the life that the Lord has promised for my daughter. She was not supposed to get involved with drugs. She knew better than to have those friends. She used to be daddy’s little girl. Sex outside of marriage was not an option, but is know our reality. You are a Joshua…you are going to take the Land by force and all that the Lord promised you about your daughter is true. “We should go up and take possession of the land, for we can certainly do it.” Numbers 13:30 I know what my God is capable of. He is capable of redemption, restoration, forgiveness, rebuilding, orchestrating, blessing and pouring out unbelievable love and mercy. That is the purpose for this material. My desire is three fold. First, if you are a hurting parent. One who has raised your children in the honor and admonition of the Lord and you find yourself asking why? Where did we go wrong? What have we done and what will become of our child? What I hope to impart to you is hope. I want to give you some insight from a “kid who has been there”. I may not know the situation unique to you and your family. And believe me I know that your situation is unique and that crisis is only truly crisis when it belongs to you. Your pain is very personal. What I do know is that the Lord is faithful and He is at work in the life of your child. Though things change, people change, our children change, situations change, dreams change, images change, prayers change, lives change. There is one thing that is constant. One grip that we can all be sure of. One thing that is common between us all. The Lord never changes. He is the same yesterday, today and forever. That means if the Lord can save, forgive and change me, a very rebellious Christian daughter…He can change you. He can change your disobedient child. He can make His dreams for each life come true… Secondly, if you are the parent of a rebelling teen, I hope to encourage you and to support you. I believe that parents many times do not recognize their authority in the lives of their children. I hope to bring to light some issues that are facing your young person, share with you some of the warning signs and equip you for the battle. Finally, if you are a young lady who falls into the magical years of 12 and 19…this is for you. I believe that the Father is calling you to greatness. Now, I know when you wake up in the morning and look at yourself in the mirror…you most likely see another pimple, braces, and those beautiful freckles or “angel kisses” as mom calls them. Your reality is that you are in that chasm somewhere between childhood and womanhood. Your dream is to be 5 foot 10, striking complexion, sports car driving, super-model dating Brad Pitt! You see, sometimes, in fact a lot of the time, our dreams don’t line up with our reality. Let me tell you the good news….when you wake up in the morning and look in that same mirror…there is someone else watching. His view of the situation is quite different from yours. He sees amazing eyes that are the window to the soul. He sees your beautiful hair and not only that, He knows exactly how many you have. He sees the beautiful daughter that He fashioned in her mother’s womb. He also sees your heart. He knows your motives. He knows your strengths and your character. Sure, he sees the acne, the braces and the freckles. Not only that, He sees your insecurity, your weakness, your secrets, your failures, your sin and your pain. Knowing all that He knows, and He knows it all…He says that you are approved and accepted. You are a Pearl! He sees your potential. He sees the plans that He has for you and He says that you are destined for greatness. You are beginning a sisterhood. You are going to make some life-long friends, become connected with a godly woman who is committed to praying for you and walking with you into adulthood and you will have loads of fun. But above all of that…my goal is that you will not focus on your dreams and the things that you think will make you happy like physical beauty, the right friends, and boys. The goal is that you will come face to face with the One who holds your dreams in His Hands. That you will begin to focus on Him. My friend, your wildest dream is like a grain of sand to your Father….if you will pursue Him, He will give you the whole beach! “And who knows but that you were born for such a time as this?” Esther 4:14 Luv,
I am a 14 year old girl in 8th grade. Have you noticed how mean girls my age can be? I want to have friends and I try really hard, but I am beginning to think that it is much easier to be friends with guys. Why are girls so hard to get to know and be close to? What can I do? Help! Guys are easier to be friends with….I hear that so often. Let me give you a few pointers. First, our emotions are in overdrive. I mean if boys’ feelings and emotions could be characterized by a dripping faucet, ours could be characterized as Niagara Falls! Girls, we FEEL things. I believe that the Lord has given women an incredible gift of being able, to a small degree, to feel His heart. Our God is a god of emotion. He is passionate about us, His creation. He has felt our fears, our sorrows. (Isaiah 53) Psalm 2:4 tells us “The One enthroned in heaven laughs”! Our God is a god of emotion and we look just like our Daddy when it comes to this particular characteristic! Have you noticed that 2 girls could be “best friends” and inseparable for months or even years and one situation can arise and the girls become complete enemies? Why is that? Because often we allow our emotions to control us and when we do we cannot think rationally. Let’s try to remember when we find our selves in a highly emotional situation to allow ourselves some time to think through the situation and calm down. Most of our issues with our friends will be resolved in a matter of time if we will just give it some time. Don’t overreact. Secondly, we need to watch what we say about people. Gossip is a weakness for many girls. We are highly relational. We want to be liked and we want to have friends and that is fine. However, it is not okay to have “good conversation” with someone at another person’s expense. How many of us have been in a situation when we were being gossiped about? How does that make you feel? Of course it is very hurtful and girls have what we call a “mob mentality”. We gang up on one another. So if you are the brunt of the gossip, many times that is a very lonely place to be. I want you to think about a time when you have felt like the odd man out and you were being talked about. Situations like that hurt even more when it is your friend who has betrayed you. We have all at one point or another felt betrayed by someone that we love and trust. Few things are more painful. Psalm 41:9 says “Even my close friend, whom I trusted he who shared my bread, has lifted up his heel against me. But you oh Lord have mercy on me; raise me up….In my integrity you uphold me and set me in your presence forever.” One lesson that is very important for us to learn is that we cannot control or change how other people act. But we can control how we REACT. We have to allow the Lord to teach us how to behave in all situations. Even when we have been deeply wounded by a friend, we must respond in a way that would please the Lord…then He can defend us and protect our hearts. Now, I want you to think about a time when you have talked or gossiped about someone else. How do you think that made them feel? Guess what, it made them feel exactly the same way that it makes you feel, terrible…Be a loyal friend and don’t be a sell out. Don’t turn on your friend because the group you are with at the time is talking about them. “A perverse man stirs up dissention, and a gossip separates close friends.” Proverbs 16:28 Be the kind of friend that you would want to be friends with because you reap what you sow. Let me tell you a story about my youngest son. When he was about 2 years old, he planted a bean in mother’s day out at church. Have any of you ever done that? Well, we took the little Styrofoam cup with the bean in it home, and we put it in the sunlight. Jake took such good care of his little plant by watering it and checking on it everyday. One day, I came into the kitchen and Jake was just sitting and looking at his cup. When I asked what he was doing, he said, “I am waiting for my flower to grow.” His flower…I replied, “Well, Jake you planted a bean and so a bean will be what grows.” “But mommy I want a flower.” “But Son you planted a bean.” No matter how badly he wanted a bean, he could not wish it so. If you want to reap good friends, you have to plant good friends. If you want to have good, loyal friends: you have to be a good, loyal friend. Finally, don’t fall into the comparison trap. Have you ever noticed that when young ladies walk into a room, they immediately begin to compare themselves to one another? “Did I wear the right clothes?.. I should have worn my hair down…Look at Kristy, she looks so tall, oh why did my dad have to be so short…I look fat, I must have gained 2 pounds…Oh, Tommy is talking to Melissa, I told my mom we needed to be here 15 minutes ago!” Does that sound familiar? Don’t allow yourself to fall into that trap, because if you do you will be in very real bondage. You don’t have to be like anyone else. God made you unique and special and there is no one in the world like you. Celebrate your strengths. Think about what is good about you and good about others. “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.” Philippians 4:8 Focus on the good in you and in others. The Lord created you both gifted and with purpose. You are blessed to be a young lady. We, as women, have the privilege of some extraordinary responsibilities. We are wives, we are daughters, we are sisters, we are princesses, we are fun, we are tender, we are nurturers, we are compassionate, we are passionate, we are talented, we are loved, we are beautiful and we are friends! I want to close with a verse that I believe the Lord would say is just for you! Weekly verse: Luv, |
